I'm trying, ever so hard, to get my stuff together. Sometimes it feels like all the steps are adding up to something, but every now and then I'd swear I'm going backwards.
I'm trying not to wait to do the things I need to do...you know that stuff you say you'll do after you've done this and this and this...? And it really is so very satisfying to JUST DO IT!
The silly season isn't a huge deal in our family as most of our extended relos are far away, but there are still things I'd like to do before December hits.
So I'm sure you'll forgive me as my posting gets more sporadic (urm yeah, well it always has been anyways) and I try to get all my ducks in a row.
PS: I'm just thinking about that expression and how hard it would be to actually get ducks in a row unless they chose to be that way and perhaps that's why it's so difficult to get anything done...
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Working mum
Just pondering this tonight...
I think I was on Facebook, passing my oh so precious time playing a game (yeah you know the one) whilst my wee one fed to sleep. I have many excuses for sitting on my bum at the computer (sometimes I'm looking up a recipe or a phone number...get sidetracked, you know all about it) and I often wonder whether my children will remember me as always on the computer (heaven forbid please no!)
There are so many other things we do, around the house, visiting with friends, running errands, kinder, crafts and so on...but I do feel my need for fairly instant stimulation and communication with other adults means the computer is frequently used throughout the day. My feelings are that this will change significantly over the next few years as my kids go to school and I gain other responsibilities (work anyone?) but I digress (kind of!)
What kind of role model am I anyway? If I went to work, I'd be more organised, and kicking goals in some capacity I hope...but this role of mine as a mother is still reasonably new. I guess I've been doing it for almost 6 years, but the challenge of three still has me on a learning curve. Do my kids get and see the best of me in this role? Would they have appreciated me more if I'd been a working mum already? I know if I was at work I wouldn't be yelling at people when I was upset or disappointed. I would be diplomatically sorting out problems. I would be respectful toward others at all times.
Guess this job really is the hardest one in the world...
I think I was on Facebook, passing my oh so precious time playing a game (yeah you know the one) whilst my wee one fed to sleep. I have many excuses for sitting on my bum at the computer (sometimes I'm looking up a recipe or a phone number...get sidetracked, you know all about it) and I often wonder whether my children will remember me as always on the computer (heaven forbid please no!)
There are so many other things we do, around the house, visiting with friends, running errands, kinder, crafts and so on...but I do feel my need for fairly instant stimulation and communication with other adults means the computer is frequently used throughout the day. My feelings are that this will change significantly over the next few years as my kids go to school and I gain other responsibilities (work anyone?) but I digress (kind of!)
What kind of role model am I anyway? If I went to work, I'd be more organised, and kicking goals in some capacity I hope...but this role of mine as a mother is still reasonably new. I guess I've been doing it for almost 6 years, but the challenge of three still has me on a learning curve. Do my kids get and see the best of me in this role? Would they have appreciated me more if I'd been a working mum already? I know if I was at work I wouldn't be yelling at people when I was upset or disappointed. I would be diplomatically sorting out problems. I would be respectful toward others at all times.
Guess this job really is the hardest one in the world...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Baby Steps
These days so many of us want what we want NOW. Whether it's something materialistic, or a goal we want to achieve, it seems people generally are less patient than ever.
I find myself caught up in this in both big and little ways. Sometimes I forget that there probably will be a tomorrow, and a day after, and another and so on (universe willing, I really would like to live a happy long life). Little by little time passing is a given. Most of the things that I want aren't achieveable in a day, or even weeks.
There are many times when I've not started something because I know I'm going to be interrupted or not complete something the same day - I think that's pretty normal when there are small children in your care. When it comes to bigger types of goals, be it study or finding fitness it can be hard to start and not know when you're going to reach your goal.
Although it's a cliche 'Rome wasn't built in a day' is particularly apt. Even when it comes to parenting and the usual voices in our head ask "when is he going to learn?", it's good to remind ourselves that our children, as are our lives, are infact 'works in progress'.
Non knitters have said to me, "oh I couldn't knit a whole jumper it takes too long", but many of us have knit jumpers and know it's just a matter of one stitch at a time over and over until it's done (OK I know you're laughing if you still have one or several unfinished from years ago like I do...).
Baby steps, softly, slowly...one after the other...who knows where you might end up? Perhaps before you know it you've reached your goal!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I'm all in a muddle!
Maybe I just shouldn't neglect this blog...
You know I have so much crap in my head. Really so much...and it's probably unfair to dump it on people.
The other blog, that I started in a wave of inspiration...well who knows what it will come to. If it vanishes mysteriously don't be surprised.
I think we all have parts of our lives we want to change. Although I think I have the internal motivation to make change, it really does help to have people to share that experience and spur each other along, no matter what the change is. And it's not even people saying 'well done', it sharing successes and knowing other people are having the same challenges or hurdles, and learning how they overcame them.
Overall I think I've been feeling low about myself for a long long time. The negative voices in my head are so ingrained now that I barely notice them. Of course if I look closely I'm kicking goals in some areas, but I know I let myself down in others. I NEED goals, and I NEED to achieve them to restore a little bit of confidence. Some of my goals will indeed be superficial and not necessarily the most important ones but my number one goal right now is just to achieve SOMETHING I set out to achieve.
You know I have so much crap in my head. Really so much...and it's probably unfair to dump it on people.
The other blog, that I started in a wave of inspiration...well who knows what it will come to. If it vanishes mysteriously don't be surprised.
I think we all have parts of our lives we want to change. Although I think I have the internal motivation to make change, it really does help to have people to share that experience and spur each other along, no matter what the change is. And it's not even people saying 'well done', it sharing successes and knowing other people are having the same challenges or hurdles, and learning how they overcame them.
Overall I think I've been feeling low about myself for a long long time. The negative voices in my head are so ingrained now that I barely notice them. Of course if I look closely I'm kicking goals in some areas, but I know I let myself down in others. I NEED goals, and I NEED to achieve them to restore a little bit of confidence. Some of my goals will indeed be superficial and not necessarily the most important ones but my number one goal right now is just to achieve SOMETHING I set out to achieve.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Not another blog...
I have started a new blog called A Life Makeover, which is more a personal journal as I try to makeover some areas of my life. It could be very boring, or perhaps it could inspire...either way it's invite only, so could you please drop me a comment with your email if you would like an invite.
My hope is to get some words of encouragement from time to time, or to share with those who can relate.
PS: On further reflection I feel more self conscious about having the new blog private than not...so it's now a public blog. Don't expect anything profound, I really just wanted people on a similar path to be able to share their own experiences and support one another in setting goals and reaching them.
My hope is to get some words of encouragement from time to time, or to share with those who can relate.
PS: On further reflection I feel more self conscious about having the new blog private than not...so it's now a public blog. Don't expect anything profound, I really just wanted people on a similar path to be able to share their own experiences and support one another in setting goals and reaching them.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Good Mother
I've been thinking a bit today, and at other times about what a Good Mother looks like.
We all have our preconceived ideas, which morph and shift as we move through conception, to pregnancy, to real life, in the deep end, no turning back motherhood.
There are things I've done (do), which no question I think are the 'right' things for my children, be it for their health or general wellbeing. But being only human there is probably lots I've done (do) wrong too.
One thing today that struck me as interesting in my thoughts was the way in which we (and society generally) are quick to judge parenting as the issue in some children's behaviour. Whereas at the same time, our friends are quick to tell us, "it's not your fault at all" when little Johnny is a misbehaving snot of a child.
Can we have it both ways? Some kids do have behavioural issues which may be linked to food, or allergies, or other mental issues and pity the poor parent who gets the 'bad parent' tag in those instances. But our moods DO affect our kids. Certainly the less stressed I am, the less stressed my kids are. And to that end there's obviously a chicken and an egg thing to those already 'spirited' children who push their parents to the edge, and who thereby become stressed, and the cycle continues. What a bloody minefield!
I do feel like a bad parent. I know I've said that here before, and I've been not so great on many an occasion since. In my defence though - it's often my best. I'm not sure how I feel about that. That my best couldn't be a little bit better.
Investigating it, exploring it, owning it...I hope it all contributes to a better day tomorrow...and the day after that.
We all have our preconceived ideas, which morph and shift as we move through conception, to pregnancy, to real life, in the deep end, no turning back motherhood.
There are things I've done (do), which no question I think are the 'right' things for my children, be it for their health or general wellbeing. But being only human there is probably lots I've done (do) wrong too.
One thing today that struck me as interesting in my thoughts was the way in which we (and society generally) are quick to judge parenting as the issue in some children's behaviour. Whereas at the same time, our friends are quick to tell us, "it's not your fault at all" when little Johnny is a misbehaving snot of a child.
Can we have it both ways? Some kids do have behavioural issues which may be linked to food, or allergies, or other mental issues and pity the poor parent who gets the 'bad parent' tag in those instances. But our moods DO affect our kids. Certainly the less stressed I am, the less stressed my kids are. And to that end there's obviously a chicken and an egg thing to those already 'spirited' children who push their parents to the edge, and who thereby become stressed, and the cycle continues. What a bloody minefield!
I do feel like a bad parent. I know I've said that here before, and I've been not so great on many an occasion since. In my defence though - it's often my best. I'm not sure how I feel about that. That my best couldn't be a little bit better.
Investigating it, exploring it, owning it...I hope it all contributes to a better day tomorrow...and the day after that.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Dear Blog
Once again I've neglected you...I've failed to make you a priority in my life. I can understand you're not amused but what can I say? I do think of you often - everyday infact, but sometimes I just can't find the words.
I know it feels like we've separated, but honestly my feelings for you haven't changed! Well, maybe that's a stretch...there are times...when I wonder...maybe a trial separation is in order?
No of course it's not what I really want. Look just give me some time. I promise I'll make it up to you soon.
Love me
xx
I know it feels like we've separated, but honestly my feelings for you haven't changed! Well, maybe that's a stretch...there are times...when I wonder...maybe a trial separation is in order?
No of course it's not what I really want. Look just give me some time. I promise I'll make it up to you soon.
Love me
xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
