I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go
I've been thinking about this blog post for a few days, and these are the words that are playing in my head. I don't know what Paul meant he penned this, but it speaks to me all the same.
I have a lot of things I use to try to 'fix the hole'. Addictions, obsessions, tangential behaviours. Too many. Of late, and for no reason I can discern they feel overwhelming. From the few blogs and books I manage to read, feeling overwhelmed, or out of control at times, seems to be the normal way for many a mother (or father) juggling the responsibilities of children and home and all that goes with it.
There are a few habits I have that I'd like to reign in or ditch altogether but I'm struggling with it and I'm not sure why. It's like procrastination gone wild!
Somehow I do manage to do the important stuff. We have clean laundry and homecooked food each day. But that's about where it ends.
Is it me? Is it the baby?
It is just so easy to snatch 5, 10, 15, 55 mins at the computer. But anything relatively major that needs doing around the house is constantly interrupted and unenjoyable and therefore often isn't started at all.
Come the end of the day when I need to do stuff whilst the kids sleepe, I'm so exhausted and brain dead that there are no mental resources left.
Is this normal? And if so when does it end?
About Me
- Stitch Sista
- Mum, wife, lover, knitter, engineer, muso, writer, philosopher, dreamer ...
WIPs
Finished Objects for 2008
5 comments:
Oh yes ! i hear you. I think its normal, well i hope so lol Its really frustrating and sometimes I just feel like the cooking/cleaning/mummy machine.
Im hoping it eases once I get more time for 'me' as they get older hey.
Yes it's normal and I for one am looking forward to the day it ends (and then will probably pine for it back)
Well, i'm feeling this constantly atm, and the thing that always gets put off is writing.
I know my mum felt like this pretty much until us kids all moved out (about 8 years ago, eeek). The thing is, for mum, the last 8 years (from age 50-58) have been extremely productive, new house, a postgrad degree, new career... So, I'm thinking we've got to be more open minded about longterm prospects - sometime (a new) life really does begin at 50... Even if that does seem a long way off right now...
I think it comes with small kids, I know when Audrey was 4 and going to kinder I definitely felt quite relaxed and had things under control, and while being pregnant was no picnic with her at school full time I felt the same. It wasn't that there still isn't plenty to do, just that doing it around a baby ups the stress of it. I felt extremely stressed this morning after a week off of school mornings, and yet things were going pretty good bar some whinging from Owen. I had to catch myself and take a reality check LOL (that said, I did remember on my walk I forgot to pack her a spoon for her lunch LOL)
Well, I could have written this exact entry! Like you, somehow I am managing to cook, do laundry, get everyone where they are supposed to be, spend playtime with the girls, and manage the multitude of "stuff" that comes with school, kinder, dancing, sports, a little baby etc. But I am just not doing anything much else.
I am desperate to find a clear mental window but with lack of sleep and three gorgeous girls under 6, including a night-feeding 4-month-old, it's not happening. 10 minutes on Facebook, Twitter and blogrolls is about the most I can manage in terms of downtime, so I do it 5 or 6 or 7 times a day. You could argue that cumulatively, that's over an hour that I could be using for, saying, decluttering, tidying, reading a serious book, writing my journal articles that are due in July and August respectively, etc. But it just isn't working out that way. Overwhelmed is a ood way to put it.
BTW, if you want the gf pastry recipe for your son, just let me know - it's not too fiddly if you have a mixer.
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