When I was at school, life was pretty cruisy and friendships came pretty easily. There were cliques, and I had a few very close friends, but I felt friendly with most of the girls in my year level, and had lots of friends in other year levels as I was so involved with music, band practice, choir etc. As well, because I had to travel by public transport a fair way for most of high school, I also had friends who went to different schools and did the same. I don't remember feeling left out, or overlooked...I guess I was pretty lucky in that regard as I'm pretty sure that isn't necessarily every person's experience.
Looking back, I've lost touch with 95% of those people who were once a big part of my life. Only the strongest friendships survived my move overseas which took me away for about 7 years.
I've made many connections through having children, but the friendships (at least in the way I perceive friendship) have come more slowly. And I'm finding this preschool/school stage tricky territory to navigate at times. Because whilst the people I'm meeting all have one important thing in common, parenthood, that doesn't necessarily make us compatible on any other level.
And I'm sure as many of us have experienced, it's not always the parents of our kids 'friends' who we click with the most. Infact many of the women I'm talking to frequently at pick up and drop off, aren't parents of children my boy plays with.
Yesterday as I travelled close to our old suburb I was feeling quite flat about it all. I'd made some really nice connections at our old kinder which are very hard to maintain livng much further away with preschool kids to ferry around. I did start to wonder whether we made a good choice in moving. I know these feelings are fleeting, and it will only take one or two friendships to shift it but these things take time.
Anyway this year is half over, and next year F will go to a different primary school than most of the kids at his kinder. So we start again...although I have heard that it's a really good time to make friends...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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3 comments:
I so know where you are coming from on this....will discuss more in person though ;)
I think the "lost contact with 95%" is fairly common, you change and develop so dramatically into your own person between 18-30 (I think)
I remember years ago hearing older friends talking about how HARD it is to make new friends once you're over 30, too, and I definitely find that the case now. I make new friends through various avenues and it's great, but they don't remember the night we drove the Volksie around Prahran looking for a party, or the time we went to see THAT band and it was freakin' amazing!
Shared experience is such a huge part of my sustained friendships, and I find it really hard to establish that with new friends.
would love to though - working on it!
Kylie absolutely. Shared history is special.
And I think that those friendships you make then at school or at work or Uni, you are spending every day with people...whereas when you're older you are trying to build up a friendship with someone spending a couple of hours a month with them or maybe a couple of hours a week if you're lucky and that makes it harder.
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