Not quite.
I don't quite know what's up with me at the moment but I'm treating my body poorly. I'm craving salt and sugar and fat like there's no tomorrow. I'm eating double portions of dinner even when my stomach is groaning (in pain and fullness). Right now I'm having some 2 minute noodles (at 11pm) and have been every other day for a few days. I've been eating McDonalds drive thru just for 'a snack' whenever I can sneak it in (and I am someone who has probably only had McDonalds once a year for the last decade). My thoughts through the day often turn to food and opportunities to enjoy food.
I'm not eating much if any fruit, or cereal, or yoghurt...the types of things that make my body feel good. I do eat vegetables every day (because I love them!) I am drinking at least a glass (and a big glass probably worth two to be fair) of wine every evening, sometimes two. I'm not drinking enough water and am generally going to bed too late. I am probably slowly putting on weight I would consider 'excess'...certainly my clothes are feeling snug. I am not exercising.
All I can really say is thank goodness I quit smoking 10 or so years ago...I reckon I'd be lighting one ciggie off another right now.
So what's going on?
Nothing, everything...I know there's anxiety swirling around under an impossible endless list of to dos. My eldest starts school next year, and although I've enrolled him somewhere I felt happy with, the other night I suddenly started feeling not as confident of that decision as before. I'm having trouble getting my daughter a kinder place as she's a Feb baby and low on the list. I can't get my son into a paediatrician before December, and I'm having trouble finding a psychologist who has time to assess him. It feels like I'm thwarted at every turn some days.
My 14 month old tornado child messes 3 things for every 1 that I tidy, and it seems somehow this is analogous to life in general.
The footy season is coming to an end. Soon Spring will be here for good, and then daylight savings and then those marvellous extra hours to just do stuff...then when kinder lets out...just to 'be'. TV will turn to crap and there will be more time to read, to walk, to garden, to potter.
But why do I look to the future to do stuff I need to do right now? I love my children too much not to look after their mother. Why don't I love my body enough to look after it? Why is it so hard to make myself a priority? Why is it all so darn hard?!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
OMG you really are living my life aren't you!!!! So when you work out how to get out of the funk.. can you let me know please!
Oh thank you finally someone who I can wallow with lol...
I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something going on with the planets...I'm not necessarily into all that stuff...but then again don't totally discount it either...
Here's to both of us coming out of it soon. I'm hoping a bit more sun will do it!
My God, I could have written this entry. I am doing the EXACT SAME THING, barring the Maccas & noodles (my Coeliac disease protects me from gluten-containing crap but believe me, there is still plenty of absolute shit I can and do eat).
The only things I'm doing right by my body at the moment are my daily yoga stretches, without which my back seizes up and I turn into Cranky Mum, so the kids have learned how important it is - they do it with me now, it's fun! Oh, and I am drinking enough water, as I have limited myself to water, tea and the occasional glass of wine in terms of beverages. But I am not exercising enough. I am eating too much (MUCH too much). I am not eating enough fruit. I am giving in to every craving for sweet and savoury fat. I am not sleeping enough (partly thanks to the 6-month-old, but partly not).
Maybe this is a biologically programmed response to stress, tiredness and overwhelmedness ... we all have such a powerful association of food with comfort that it becomes incredibly hard to deny yourself when other things feel so out of control.
I don't know why it's so hard :( If you find the answer let me know. Can you send me your email dress so I can add you to the blog?pthenwood at bigpond dot com
I hear you, really, I do!
Post a Comment