Part of what makes this parenting gig so stressful (to me) is the dynamic between the two parents. My hubby and I had a bit of a trial run at parenting together when his stepchildren stayed part time with us...but they were older when we started, and I didn't have the responsibility nor the emotional investment that can make things hairy...Plus it was weekend visits and not the every day work that comes from 24/7 parenting.
Some days it flows, but on others there is just too much angst...I hate it! I am an only child, who I suspect got her own way a lot of the time, and whose parents could afford to be fairly laid back - there was no sibling rivalry or all day bickering to deal with. My hubby was one of four children (number 3) in a reasonably strict Catholic family. I suspect my MIL ran a tight ship, and at least until their teenage years I suspect the children would have been very well behaved...OR ELSE!
For the most part we haven't had any huge idealogical clashes or anything. My hubby has supported and encouraged the ways I've wanted to parent, extended co-sleeping (doesn't mean he wouldn't *like* more space in the bed!), extended breastfeeding, no smacking or shaming and so on. But there are so many opportunities to still handle things differently - and at times that is certainly a frustration.
My 5.5 year old is getting a bit mouthy lately, and a lot of the time I *can* just ignore it or laugh it off...I know he's trying to push my buttons and I feel I'd rather just leave it than make a fuss. But my DH will have none of it...it's all about respect I guess and he gets *very* mad when my ds talks to me that way.
Sometimes the weekend comes and after a whole week at home with the kids I just want to relax with them...loosen up in the rules and routines that are more necessary during the week. But what does hubby do? He gets short with them at times (of course I do too but that's different!) and for some reason this just makes me so cross. I'm constantly reminding myself that he has to have his separate relationship and dynamic going on with the kids, and that I wouldn't want him telling me how to behave.
Maybe life wouldn't be so hard if I stopped worrying about everyone else's behaviour and just concentrated on my own!
Monday, September 21, 2009
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3 comments:
In our house, D is the only child who came from a very strict household. Fortunately for him, his temperament was my our Bryn's, very reasonable, LOL. So, he did very well in his house and everyone mostly got along fine without the Sunbeam cord having to make too frequent an appearance (yes, you read that right)...
I came from a household of two children, but spent periods of time with either set of grandparents and a whole host of aunts and uncles (5 on one side, 6 on the other). Those ships weren't run particularly tightly, mostly we all just muddled through with lost of chaos and loud voices and exposed emotions.
So, our parenting is constantly a tug-o-war between the restrained expectations of D and my more, erm, organic style of parenting... I just hope our kids don't grow up to hate us...
Don't we all Sif...I reckon there's a good chance they're gonna hate me at least some of the time.
I think I'm the task-master in this household. Daddy is much more laid-back and relaxed with them than me. It takes a lot for him to get really annoyed with them. He comes from a 5-kid home, I have 2 brothers. I think my parenting style has a lot to do with seeing my mother let herself be used as a doormat by her sons :( I try very hard not to be like her, but sometimes I do feel like I'm the bad cop, and daddy gets to be the good cop. I'm not really strict and I never hit my kids, but we do have *rules* that I like them to follow. Nothing terribly horrible, although I'm sure they'd tell you that the no-tv-before-school rule is going to ruin their lives! lol I just find that if I relax on things like that too much, then it's complete chaos and that's when I end up being the parent I don't want to be. I guess I just try to pick my battles, as they say. I'm still working on what things I'm happy to relax on, and what things have to stay consistent. I've found that if I give L an inch, he's ready to take a mile! It's not an easy job trying to balance everything so that everyone in the home is happy most of the time.
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