Firstly I want to say a big THANK YOU to those who contacted me after my last post.
I think someday soon, I will make this blog invite only...it seems unfair to have so much sensitive stuff 'out there'. But at the same time, one thing I have learned about sharing, and opening yourself up, is that you can make connections you might not have otherwise made, and receive support you might not have otherwise received. I am ever so grateful for that.
The last few days I guess we turned a bit of a corner, and our lad has settled down a bit (we won't talk about me having to 'pretend' to drive away today to get him to come with us). I wonder if he didn't just have a testosterone surge or some such thing.
Anyway I want to talk about me now, and my screwed up head! I want to talk about how silly it is to let external stuff get us down. Stuff that isn't directed at us, and in the scheme of things probably not that important. Today at kinder I noticed one of the boys who I thought was one of F's pretty good friends was having a party, but no invite for us :(. It doesn't matter the reason...I know not everyone can be invited - but I immediately just felt down. And that bothered me...because that cloud just follows you doesn't it? I think too, being at the end of the third term...knowing the next one is our last at that kinder is getting me down a bit too.
Because of my daughter's young kinder age, she didn't get her pick of kinders and we have to settle for a different one than we'd planned. It's entirely likely that my youngest will go to a different one again. And I guess I'm feeling sad that the tentative community building I've been doing this year, after moving into a new suburb too, is all a bit of a waste. Nearly all the kids are heading off to one school, whilst we are the odd one out having chosen another. If you ever want to second guess yourself just go against the grain...I know because I've been doing it all my life! (not intentionally)
So I'm feeling a bit melancholy, a bit blue, a bit lonely for my boy for the birthday party he won't get to attend, and the friends who will fade away at the end of the year. And I'm really really really hoping I've made the right choice for next year!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
hugs Rach xx
hugs from me too.
at the beginning of this year (second day of school in fact) L's *very best friend* from last year told him that he didn't want to be his friend anymore :( On the one hand I was secretly pleased because he seemed to be getting L into no end of trouble, but on the other I was so sad for my boy and his first real rejection :( L's had a hard time this year with friendships, and so far this year no birthday invites at all. sigh.
hope you feel more settled soon.
We did the same thing to our boy last year, moved out of the area and the friends he had made at Kinder he was now not going to school with. He knew noone in his year level at his school. But my worrying about the situation was futile. I had more trouble breaking into the school mums circle than he had making friends :) (and we get together every holidays still with 2 of the kinder boys, who he now puts into the family friends category :) ).
PS"I also feel the same way about birthday parties..etc. I put it down to the mother lion instincts to protect ones young at all times, it is a protection of their feelings rather than mortal danger. We have had many rejections like this this year :( but we work through them. It's hard though"
"If you ever want to second guess yourself just go against the grain..."
Ain't that the truth!
I'm really sorry you're finding it tough at the moment. I struggle with the community thing too, I just can't find many people like me or that I feel I gel with where I am!
honestly I know it seems hard now, but you made those choices for the right reason then it will all come together..
I am still in 2 minds about my F repeating Prep, he has some lovely friendships and it would be sad to see them go ahead of him, at the same time, my gut keeps screaming that it needs to repeat..
I hope too as you do that these choices I make pay off, I think choosing the road less travelled is always harder for sure..
Many hugs
It's so hard, isn't it?
Continuity is a massive thing for me. I didn't have a lot of it as a child myself (and yet, I survived, go figure), and I want it so badly for my kids.
Recently, I was sitting on a gorgeous beach, letting the sun warm me and the wind blow away all my worries. The sea spray was so refreshing and the feeling of the sand in my hands was entirely grounding. I felt completely and utterly at home! I thought how I really need to convince Dave to move to a beach somewhere, but then I stopped that thought in it's tracks - why? - because it would mean moving my boys from their school and the wispy threads of community we'd managed to scrounge over the past three years (nearly)...
Is that healthy? To be so afraid of moving because you're afraid of screwing up your child's life forever??? I'm not sure it is...
So, you've gone against the grain, but at least you're being true to yourself, right? Integrity is worth it's weight in gold!
Post a Comment