You know, I couldn't fake a fabulous love of parenting if I tried. So I'm not going to bother. You know it's hard, I know it's hard.
We've had further struggles with the big boy over the last few weeks. Nothing necessarily new or that I can be specific about...just in general the 'whammy's' have been more frequent, the defiance more...well...defiant and so on. I should have known today might not be a great day to linger after kinder, given the type of behaviour we've had, and a reasonably pleasant morning ended with me carrying a kicking, screaming 5.5 yo (no mean feat) across the oval and into the car after he had an altercation with a much younger child. A mother friend rescued my other two, put her hand on my shoulder, empathised. Some other parents watched on, I'm sure being grateful it wasn't their child involved.
Over the last few days, dealing with my firstborn has felt so fucking hard. I have to quell thoughts of wishing he wasn't part of this family, or wondering what it would be like if he wasn't. And truth be told, our problems are so minor compared to many. But so much of our energies, our concerns, our efforts go into cajoling, negotiating, navigating life with a child whose mind of his own is definitely much at odds with ours.
On the upside, this is a sweet, imaginative, sensitive child...who even at his angriest struggles to hurt anyone. It's so obvious when he swings a fist that it comes entirely from frustration...there is no intent to hurt, he really woulnd't know how.
From our perspective we have one 5yo child with no-one to compare him to. We have been living with challenges for 5 years not knowing which are the normal parent ones and which are exaggerated by some underlying 'condition'. Even though he was sensitive as a baby, he really wasn't very difficult at all until at least 3. Friends who haven't seen him 'lose it' just think he's a bright child.
We are seeing someone in a couple of weeks and I hope just having the opportunity to talk to someone who is trained can shed some light. It would be easy to blame myself as so many of the things he does that annoy me could very well be modelled by me. But at the same time I know it's more than that...especially seeing my 3.5 yo is just so different.
OK that's enough of a brain dump for today.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
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7 comments:
It is hard, isn't it. I know I find myself exasperated with L sometimes. It's hard to know whether it's normal behaviour or caused by something else. We know he reacts badly to a few things in food, so we avoid those. I know part of my problem is that L is so much like me, and I think somehow that's making it harder for me to deal with him. I'm afraid that we will clash when he's older too :( so I'm trying hard to accept him as he is right now. He was a pretty easy kid though, until he got to school, so I suspect for us it's mostly attitude and the learning curve for both of us - we've never parented a 6yo before and he's never been a 6yo before!
I hope you get some answers - whatever they may be.
(((((hugs))))) I could have wrote this post myself :( . I hope the 'talking' helps. xoJen
- hope you can make it
Taz
xxx
I sure have times when I dread the thought of spending a day with my almost 4 year old. It makes me feel like a bad Mum but I know that despite how much she frustrates me and tests me I do love her.
You may not always like them but you do always love them :)
sigh I so have been there..I have moments of really wanting to give up, but you just can't..*hugs* I do think once you know what you are dealing with it gets easier
What the F! I know, nobody knows like us. I can't even begin to put my evening in words. All I can say is I decided to "google" Parenting is so Fing Hard. My first boy, just don't get him, too much, everything. My second, makes me feel somewhat sane, like it's not me. I feel so alone, today, not as much thanks to you!
Can't even f-ing comment right much less parent!
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