Just pondering this tonight...
I think I was on Facebook, passing my oh so precious time playing a game (yeah you know the one) whilst my wee one fed to sleep. I have many excuses for sitting on my bum at the computer (sometimes I'm looking up a recipe or a phone number...get sidetracked, you know all about it) and I often wonder whether my children will remember me as always on the computer (heaven forbid please no!)
There are so many other things we do, around the house, visiting with friends, running errands, kinder, crafts and so on...but I do feel my need for fairly instant stimulation and communication with other adults means the computer is frequently used throughout the day. My feelings are that this will change significantly over the next few years as my kids go to school and I gain other responsibilities (work anyone?) but I digress (kind of!)
What kind of role model am I anyway? If I went to work, I'd be more organised, and kicking goals in some capacity I hope...but this role of mine as a mother is still reasonably new. I guess I've been doing it for almost 6 years, but the challenge of three still has me on a learning curve. Do my kids get and see the best of me in this role? Would they have appreciated me more if I'd been a working mum already? I know if I was at work I wouldn't be yelling at people when I was upset or disappointed. I would be diplomatically sorting out problems. I would be respectful toward others at all times.
Guess this job really is the hardest one in the world...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
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5 comments:
That's a question I've asked myself countless times. Would I be a better role model particularly for my daughters by going back to work? When My son said something very sexist about women's roles had I reinforced his view of women?
If I'm not going to emulate that 1950's model of motherhood and house keeping am I better going back to work?
I did return to work this year as a relief teacher. And I found that my kids were really impressed.. mum was a teacher! Not just a mum (sad they have a low opinion of a mothers role..but then have I reinforced that too?)
I found working and family hard to balance I think the kids did miss out. I was tired at the end of the day. I didn't want to be patient with them i wanted them fed, bathed and into bed so I could finally sit down and rest before tackling the washing of dishes and clothes that had piled up in the day. Before I prepared their lunches for the next day and caught up on all the little jobs that need doing everyday. Sorting mail, organising bill payment, scrubbing the toilet etc..etc..
Most nights it was after 9pm when I finally sat with a coffee and switched on my computer. I found I didn't feel less socially isolated working! Being a relief teacher there isn't much chance to socialise anyway in a busy school day.
With another baby soon to join the family I'm a little sad that I've had to give up work, financially helping the family and the kudos of a working mum of 6 but also a little relieved that I don't have to run around like a chook with no head!
Well, this is interesting. You might have noticed on my blog that I've recently struggled with this question from the other end - balancing working part-time from home with three young children - and have decided to pack work in for a while, maybe 3 months, maybe 12, maybe 2 years, I'm not sure yet.
The things I'll miss about working (and the reasons I'm sure I'll return to it, when the time is more propitious) are:
- contributing financially and not feeling economically dependent. Granted, with my work being so very part-time, I only contribute 25% of our household disposable income - the "cream", as we call it, that's paid for things like our new floors, our new bathroom, big charity donations, upgrading the car etc. We live, and comfortably, on hubs' income alone. Still..
- having a structured, regular and disciplined interest outside the home. It's good for my brain, and my sense of selfhood.
- the example it gives my three daughters. I do NOT want to model economic dependency or the notion that once you're a mum, that's stumps for working, for them. I have always worked - albeit always part-time since Miss 6 arrived in August 2003 - and they see that a woman can do both, although with compromises necessary.
All of that said, parenting young children is a more than fulltime job in itself. Balancing paid work with one's desire to be a present parent is hard, vanishingly hard if you're also sleep-deprived and helping with care of sick or elderly people too. Hence, my dropping out for a while.
I thought I might get some bites with this one ;).
Sif I wholeheartedly agree, but as Tracy and Kathy have noted, even part time work is difficult to sustain with young ones around.
I do have some working mum role models in my circle of friends and don't know how they do it! Granted none of them have 3 children at home, but still...it's hard. I'm looking to work for many things, one of which is 'balance'. But I'm not convinced my working friends have that either. Somethings gotta give.
I think the work week needs to be overhauled for parents and non parents alike. Australians actually work longer hours than most! Many unpaid.
So much more to say on this topic...
This is so relevant for me at the moment as I'm about to go back to full time work in about a week and a half. I'm going back for me and I know in my head that my kids will be fine. I also know I will have a very hard time working out the balance. And I know I will be wracked with guilt about not being there all the time with the girls. But I also know I will be happier working and I figure if I'm happy that will help them to be too.
Good luck with it M-E!
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