Friday, June 26, 2009

Here's why YOU should support homebirth!

This is a post that I absolutely must write. I've been wondering how to say what I need to, in a way that is succinct and meaningful and covers all the salient points.

Right now I realise I just need to tell it like it is!

I have birthed three babies. My first was a highly medicalised, 'augmented' birth in a Canadian hospital. My second was a text book, midwife assisted homebirth in Australia. My third, another midwife assisted homebirth, that ended in a transfer to hospital for post partum hemhorrhage. I am an experienced birther, and (I think), an intelligent woman who would never put myself or my babies in an unnecessarily risky situation.



Some of you will not know that as of 2010, midwife assisted homebirth will in effect be ILLEGAL in this country. Despite the pleadings of many women via the Maternity Services Review, despite the many studies, large overseas studies showing that homebirth is just as safe for mothers and babies, as is hospital birth, despite the fact that pregnancy and childbirth are normal physiological processes for most women when they are left alone to do as nature intended.

Of course, there are instances at home where it is deemed transfer to hospital is necessary for mother and/or child, and here is where a trusted independant midwife is so valuable to those women who employ one. Unfortunately, up until this point independant midwives have been unable to secure indemnity insurance - insurance that for obstetricians and other medical professionals has been subsidised by the government. Now the government have essentially proposed it be illegal for independant midwives to work without this insurance as they have done in the past.



So what does this mean? It means that a group of experienced birth professionals who assist those who want to birth their children at home are made redundant unless they 'go underground' or toe the line and join up with a hospital or government approved birthing facility. It means that a group of women who wish to birth at home now have to decide whether to submit to procedures and protocols of a hospital environment or go it alone at home. This is not a fair choice, infact for many of us - for all of us really...it is no choice at all.

I could go on for pages and pages about the pros and cons of hospital vs home but to me, that is merely a side issue. I have heard people say "I'm against homebirth" and go on to tell you how many babies would be dead had they been born at home. There are many whys and wherefores and misconceptions about safety that I don't want to get into here. What's the point? Safety is relative and babies die in hospital too. The thing is, my choice to homebirth doesn't affect YOU. But believe me when I say that if my right to homebirth is taken away then it is a loss for all of us.

If you are a woman of reproductive age, or even one who is not - you need to realise that no matter where you decide to give birth this does affect you. As women, and indeed humans we need to support one another when it comes to issues that affect our bodies.

If my right to homebirth gets taken away, your right to a cesarean, or an epidural, or indeed (although pigs may fly) a hospital birth could be next. It is so easy to say, "well that doesn't affect me". Imagine had that been the case the women's movement, or for the civil rights movement?

Not to mention there is so much spin around this issue that it's worth taking note that this is not really about 'safety' of homebirth at all, but in fact the all powerful medical lobbying groups who wish to keep the riches of the birth industry all to themselves.

Anyway there, I've said it. If you have any questions, or want to correct me on something fly at her. I do believe that this is a women's issue most definitely, if not a human rights one - and the sooner the general population understand that, the sooner we can hopefully gain the numbers to stop proposed legislation in it's tracks.

My body, my choice.

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fixing a hole

I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go


I've been thinking about this blog post for a few days, and these are the words that are playing in my head. I don't know what Paul meant he penned this, but it speaks to me all the same.

I have a lot of things I use to try to 'fix the hole'. Addictions, obsessions, tangential behaviours. Too many. Of late, and for no reason I can discern they feel overwhelming. From the few blogs and books I manage to read, feeling overwhelmed, or out of control at times, seems to be the normal way for many a mother (or father) juggling the responsibilities of children and home and all that goes with it.

There are a few habits I have that I'd like to reign in or ditch altogether but I'm struggling with it and I'm not sure why. It's like procrastination gone wild!

Somehow I do manage to do the important stuff. We have clean laundry and homecooked food each day. But that's about where it ends.

Is it me? Is it the baby?

It is just so easy to snatch 5, 10, 15, 55 mins at the computer. But anything relatively major that needs doing around the house is constantly interrupted and unenjoyable and therefore often isn't started at all.

Come the end of the day when I need to do stuff whilst the kids sleepe, I'm so exhausted and brain dead that there are no mental resources left.

Is this normal? And if so when does it end?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

I'm doing OK

Just watching my youngest baby sleep, loving her and cherishing her, I got to thinking about the good stuff that happens around here...

You know when you read an article about a person and they talk about their idyllic childhood? And so many times you (or I) wonder how our children will look back on their time with us...and you worry about the times you've yelled, or been crazy mama, or if you've spent enough time playing with them and so on.

It occurred to me that I'm living out a lot of my romantic ideas of motherhood...it will be for them to judge when they're older how their childhood stacks up but I'm glad so far of the things I think they'll look back and remember...

That mum loved to be in the kitchen preparing yummy foods for them...
That mum loved to knit and knit and knit...(M didn't believe me when I said I didn't knit the jumper I was wearing yesterday "but it's made of wool?", as if that proves I must have made it!)
That nothing got between mum and the footy and it was accepted that she would be watching her team when they were on...
That mum got happy when the music she loved was blaring and danced everyone around the room with her...
That mum (and dad) read to them each and every day...
That mum nursed her babies, each and every one. If they don't remember nursing themselves they will at least remember their siblings nursing...
That never a day passed when mum (and) dad didn't kiss and cuddle them many times over and whisper words of love...

None of these things make us good or better and of course we're far from perfect. But surely they mean we are doing ok. I am doing OK.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Not enough time

Another post about time - or rather lack of it.

I was actually going to title this post as shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Whirling around in my head at least once a day is a list of things I should be doing as well as a list I shouldn't. They would look something like this.

Should be doing
- laundry
- laundry
- laundry
- clean something
- declutter something
- prepare food for lunch/dinner/snack
- bills
- make appointments
- play with kids (oops lets just pretend this list isn't in priority sequence!)
- read something
- go for a walk
- knit
- blog

Shouldn't be doing
- sitting surfing the net
- eating lots of chocolate

As much as I hate to look at life in these terms, I think the first step is admitting you have a problem right?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Speed up, slow down

Parenting time, is different than normal time.

You know how the expression goes, "the hours drag, but the days fly." It's true, and I should know.

When I met my DH all those years ago, my prospective stepchildren were 4 and 6 years old. On Monday my NINETEEN, yes that's right NINETEEN year old step daughter will come to visit! Because the early years were so difficult with the usual hostilities between exes, it was easy to wish the years away. My stepchildren live in Canada with their mum (mom?), and we moved there for several years to be closer to them, all the while knowing that we would eventually come back to Australia. I'm sure I wished the time away moreso than my DH - for much of it, I was incredibly homesick. And when we had our own child together - with no other family support, we decided it was time to come home.

And now, almost five years on, and another two children, I just can't slow the time down no matter how hard I try. To be sure, there are days that by 7.00 am I am yelling the house down and wishing I could fast forward to the end of the day...but moreso I'd rather be able to pause here and there (a rewind function would be nice when you need to do-over a day) because I know that my children are growing up altogether too fast.

I'm almost positive that these preschool days are the longest. Next year my son (and our family) will be consumed by a first year of school, and the year after the middle will probably go too. After that we will be blessed with (hopefully) a long calm before the storm of adolescence...and I know that time is going to go so darn quick.

Maybe it's wrong to map it all out, and look at it this way - but rest assured, the primary school years, these are the gravy days. The time when your kids can do so much for themselves, but still essentially need you on a day to day basis - and more importantly, still think you're pretty darn wonderful for the most part. And you know, good times go faster...don't they?

So I'm getting my head around this stuff now. Preparing myself if you will. One day, I know I will sit back and wish I could rewind back to this time. The time before it got really really good, but also, when time travelled way too quickly.

Monday, June 1, 2009

It's all about acceptance...

Well to all of you who have been encouraging my further brain dumps...

I never really enjoy dropping my son to kinder. I'm always on edge about what type of day he is going to have, and watching him interact with others hurts my heart a little at times. He is a clever, wonderful, and mostly social boy...but to my eyes (and this is a confession I guess), he is somewhat socially retarded. Is it something we have or haven't done at home? It would be easy to blame ourselves...we've been blaming wheat for a while. But in the end, perhaps it's just his personality and all we can is try to improve his skills as best we can.

I suspect the part that hurts the most is how many of my own traits I see in him. Things I can't stand about myself - accentuated and magnified. As an adult I think I've learned for the most part to minimise my own foibles as best I can, whilst trying very hard to accept some things are just a part of who I am, and shouldn't be changed no matter what anyone thinks.

And really, I know many of us say it isn't so, but is there anyone who doesn't care what others think of them? Obviously there are degrees, but isn't at least part of being human, wanting to be accepted? So we dress the part - or deliberately choose not to depending on where we want to fit in. We present the best part of ourself on blogs, or at work, or at kinder showing only the parts of ourselves we know aren't going to be controversial or whispered about (unless again the aim is to be controversial and whispered about)

I just know that if I can't learn to accept myself, then I will struggle to accept my son, and he in turn will struggle to accept himself. It is important also to be authentic, and damn the consequences - being true to oneself is surely the key here.